Feast or Famine

The life of a flight attendant is basically centered on one thing. Food. Where to find it, what to eat and how much it costs.

It’s tough to eat normally on the road. You eat when you have a chance to eat, which sometimes means you have to hold out for a looong time without food and when you do eat, is almost never at a normal mealtime. It’s funny to be in such a modern profession and be continually focused on such a primordial need.

A typical day on the road starts off with 6 uniformed crew members madly running towards the Tim Horton’s counter in the airport to get a delicious coffee and breakfast sandwich before check-in.

Unless you’re on the ball in the morning and had a chance to grab a sandwich for later, it’s really tough to eat during the day.

All great inventions are born through necessity and eating on the road is no different.

Flight attendants and pilots alike have come up with creative ways to have a good (I use that word loosely) meal onboard. I have personally witnessed a pilot make a casserole (instant rice in a Ziploc bag, add hot water and a can of tuna. Voila!) and a flight attendant make an ice cappuccino (put ice cubes and creamers in a cup, shake, then add coffee and sugar. Just like Starbucks) and seasoned pretzels with dip (add Tabasco sauce to a bag of pretzels and shake. For the dip, take a packet of mayo and add some Worcestershire and mustard. Mmm).

I’ve also heard stories of making chicken noodle soup in the coffee pot of a hotel room and grilled cheese with the iron. I wouldn’t recommend either of those though.

At the end of the day, we pile in the crew van and discuss who is going to eat what for dinner. I personally love eating out, but after a while it gets under my skin. It seems like you are always waiting, ordering, tipping, waiting, and paying the bill.

Although it has its downsides, its definitely not all bad, I’ve had some great times eating out with the crew and learned some very interesting ways to make plane pretzels taste great.

However, next time you are in an airport and you see a hungry looking pilot stroll by, toss him a sandwich, you’ll make his day!

Ol' Smokey Visits the Doctor

Ol' Smokey has visited the doctor (aka my Dad) and we have a diagnosis...

Apparently the rubber boot is pushing on the brake rotor gear which is making the caliper and pistons smoke. Shh...if you're quiet you can hear the sound of a mechanic crying... I admit that might not be the exact combination, those are definitely words that my Dad used when explaining what's wrong with Ol' Smokey. It will be an invasive procedure (on Ol' Smokey and my bank account), but the prognosis is good.

Although I will be bus-bound for the next few days, I will sleep better knowing that Ol' Smokey will be as good as new soon!

Panic Room

An update on my mind-numbingly difficult class.

As I have been in the class for 3 weeks now and still don't really understand what I am learning about I decided to do what I always do when I need something explained to me in no-nonsense terms.

I googled it.

It didn't help.

This is the definition of post-structuralism..Ahem..

Any of various theories or methods of analysis, including deconstruction and some psychoanalytic theories, that deny the validity of structuralism's method of binary opposition and maintain that meanings and intellectual categories are shifting and unstable.


Oh...my...Buddha...

Tibetan Monk Sentenced to Die

Tenzin Delek Rinpoche

Since I am a Tibetan, I have always been sincere and devoted to the interests and well-being of Tibetan people. That is the real reason why the Chinese do not like me and framed me. That is why they are going to take my precious life even though I am innocent.” –Tenzin Delek Rinpoche, in a statement smuggled out of prison that was published on Radio Free Asia Jan 21, 2003

In April 2002, the Chinese authorities in Lithang, eastern Tibet, arrested Tenzin Delek Rinpoche and his distant relative Lobsang Dhondup, a former monk. Both were accused of involvement in bombings and explosions. On December 2nd, 2002, Lobsang Dhondup was sentenced to immediate death, and Tenzin Delek Rinpoche was sentenced to death with a suspension of two years.

The Chinese government did not present credible evidence against Tenzin Delek Rinpoche or any of the Tibetans detained. They were denied access to independent lawyers and did not have a fair trial. Because of massive international outcry about the case, the Chinese authorities assured international governments that Tenzin Delek Rinpoche and Lobsang Dhondup would receive a thorough retrial in China’s Supreme Court. However on January 26, 2003, after a secret retrial in the Provincial Court, Lobsang Dhondup was executed, in the first known execution of a Tibetan for political crimes in 20 years, and Tenzin Delek Rinpoche’s 2-year suspended death sentence was upheld.

The Chinese government has responded to the unprecedented worldwide pressure to stop Tenzin Delek's execution by commuting his sentence to life in prison. One man imprisoned in connection with Tenzin Delek's case was released in January 2005 in terrible physical condition, the result of torture in prison. There are grave concerns for the health of Tenzin Delek and Lobsang Taphel, another man imprisoned in connection with the case, and both remain political prisoners.
http://www.studentsforafreetibet.org/article.php?id=458


Please, please, please watch this short movie about Tenzin. It's different that the one posted above (seriously it's less than a minute and its awesome!)

http://www.studentsforafreetibet.org/downloads/tenzin_content.html

As Nietzsche Would Say...

As many of you know I am registered in a class entitled "The Literature of Political Dissidence"

I was extremely excited about this class when I first saw it. The reading list includes Norman Mailer, Noam Chomsky, the Black Panthers. "That's right up my alley" I said.

You know when you are so sure about something, but it turns out that you are horribly, horribly wrong? So do I.

This class appears innocent enough, a 300 level English course. That can't be hard right? Wrong. This class is hardcore.

12 textbooks, 2 papers, a midterm, a spoken word project, 10 quizzes and a final later and I'm scared.

We've already read two novels and done two quizzes (let me remind you that I've only been in school for two weeks).

Its the other students in the class that are the worst part. It's alright if you can't understand a single word the professor has said so long as everyone is clueless together. But oooh no, not this group of intellectual go-getters. They routinely drop words like Galvanizing, Prose, Catalyst, and Nihilism. They begin sentences by saying "As referenced in Nietzsche's later works..." followed by "According to Aristotle...".

Who are these people? Where did they come from? Did I miss the list of pre-reading which clearly included the entire works of every philosopher with a disturbingly long last name?

Despite my better judgement I'm going to stick it out for two reasons. 1. I'm enjoying the challenge and really want to succeed. 2. I want to be one of those people who throws everything back to Immanuel Kant and Derrida. I think these geniuses can teach me how to do this.

Just to give you an example, I've included a sentence from one of the textbooks. Enjoy.

"But my view is that Nietzsche's remarks about rigorous philosophy, and his projection of what is essentially a new hermeneutics, offer an alternative to his talk about perspectives. This alternative language has the advantage of not only avoiding epistemological paradoxes accompanying the image of multiple perspectives, but also of enabling resistance to be critical, at least in principle."

Ballad of a Broken Car

Sigh...

Today Ol' Smokey fell off the wagon. I don't know why a Jeep would be on a wagon in the first place, but then there are many things that I don't understand about cars.

Things were so good between Ol' Smokey and myself. He quit smoking, I quit worrying about him exploding. I really thought that the combination of nicotine patches, hypnosis and prayer had helped him to quit. It's been months since he last smoked.

We've really bonded over the last little while too. I bought him new floor mats and a vanilla air freshener. We were talking about an oil change and maybe even replacing his windshield. Together we went many places and had many adventures. (Okay 'many places' is a bit of a stretch, I pretty much just drive to school and the airport)

However, the good times were not to last. Today in the Chapters parking lot I smelled that old familiar smell. The sickly sweet smell of burnt oil and a broken heart. I should have known that the steering wheel pulling to the right was a sign of worse things to come. That and the fact that we had never actually figured out why Ol' Smokey had quit smoking, only that he had stopped. I guess I just didn't want to believe that he wasn't really cured.

Now I have to endure torturous conversations about brake pads, calipers and other such nonsense. What did it smell like? What were you doing when it happened? And so on... Nonsense.

My Dad has suggested that perhaps Ol' Smokeys brake caliper was seizing, which would explain the veering off to the right and the smell. At least that's what I think he said, I stopped paying attention after he mentioned brakes. Boring! Katie diagnosed this condition as epilepsy. I wonder if they make medic alert bracelets for cars...

In any case I now have to fork out money for some type of brake housing something-or-rather. While I wish I didn't have to do this, I will. I'll do it because I love Ol' Smokey and I really believe that one day he will be smoke-free.

On behalf of Ol'Smokey I would like to thank you for your words of encouragement and helpful suggestions. I will keep you posted as we embark on his road to recovery.

The Threat

Mid-flight we hit a patch of turbulence and the Captain turned the seatbelt sign on.

A women travelling with two small children got up from her seat and walked towards the lavatory.

"Excuse me Ma'am, the seatbelt sign has been turned on" I said

"But I have to go"

"I just have to tell you that the seatbelt sign has been turned on. It may be dangerous for you to stand"

"So you're saying that I can't go to the bathroom? That I have to hold it?"

"I just have to tell you that the seatbelt sign is on"

"Well fine. I'll go back to my seat. But if I pee my pants and it gets all over the place YOU have to clean it up."

Threatening me with peeing her pants. Wow, I bet her five year old would have been proud.

That Elusive Land Turbulence

During our descent into Vancouver, Christy and Maya were secruing the cabin when a middle aged man waved to Christy to get her attention.

"Excuse me" he asked "Did we just land?"

The wheels in Christy's mind turned, searching for a work-appropriate response.

"Umm nope...we're still about 10,000 feet off the ground.." she replied

She told me this story once we were in the crew van and together we came up with a few alternative answers.

"No, we haven't landed yet. You'll know when we do because you will see the sides of buildings and not the tops of them"

"Yes, we landed in a miniature city, thats why all of the cars look so small."

"Yes we did, and right now we are experiencing land turbulence."

"Did we?? Oh my! Someone should tell the Captain, because I think he's still flying!"

And my personal favorite...

"Yes we did. Did you not get off in Vancouver? Because we are on our way to Japan now...I hope you brought your passport!"

Pictures from the road

Landing in the Domincan Republic

A strange contraption found in a Montreal hotel bathroom. I honestly don't know what it was for.

A pretty sunset...or sunrise. It's really hard to tell

The view of St.Johns from my hotel room. They put us on the executive floor on Boxing Day, complete with Q-Tips, bathrobes and a jar of candies...its all about the little things.

The sunset on our way home from the Bahama's. It was an amazing color of purple, this picture does not do it justice.

A Strange Fellow

As with any job that requires working with the public, you encouter some strange people. To be honest, strange doesn't begin to describe some of the people I have encountered at work. Paranoid maniacs with sociopathic tendancies and unreasonably high expections is a wee bit more accurate in my opinion. However most are harmless, just unexplainably...odd.

After landing in Halifax I was saying good-bye to the passengers in the typical flight attendant way.

"Thank you, Buh-bye now, Thank you"

I didn't notice the young man standing across from me until he handed me a folded piece of paper.

I didn't think anything of it and walked back towards my crew. In hindsight, I should have opened up the mysterious paper in solitude, so as to avoid the prying eyes of my fellow crew member, but alas, I did not.

On the paper was a drawing of a girl. Me. With a little note at the bottom reading "I hope I wasn't creeping you out by drawing you - if I did, sorry and thank you."

What is the proper reaction once one finds out that a stranger has spent the last hour and a half drawing them? My reaction was to turn red, very red.

I still don't know what the intentions of the young man were. Honestly, best case scenario, what did he think would happen? Was he just suddenly struck with an uncontrollable urge to draw and it happened that I was the only object in his view. I hoping that is the case. We'll never know.

Although I was mercilessly harressed by my crew for the next 3 days, I did come out of it with a great story and funny little drawing.

Misson Impossible

This is the mission statement poster at the Auto Body shop that is fixing Kate's car.

Note that Image is priority number one. Integrity however, not so important. There it is waaay at the bottom of the list. Interesting approach guys.

I particularly like that Courtesy ranks a good 6 spaces above Training. They may destroy your car, but they will be remarkably polite about it.

I also wonder if the employees are at all uneasy about the fact that Safety is third from the bottom, under both Cleanliness and Service.

Perhaps next time she'll think twice before dropping her car off at Big Al's House of Cars.

"Come to Big Al's. Where integrity is the least of our concerns!"

Thievery 2.0

So we meet again Car Thief,

As you may have noticed we stole Kate's car back from you. Hope you weren't left stranded somewhere, that would have been so inconsiderate of us.

I have to say, I am a little confused about the things you did to her car.

For example, why steal one hubcap and not all four? (Did you know that they cost less than $30?) Why did you take her glasses out of the case and step on them? That seems a little cruel, even for you Car Thief. Also, ripping the whole glove box out was a nice touch. Although you could have just opened it up, with the same result. I think you should see someone about your aggression. It isn't healthy.

I didn't even know that you could start a car with a screw driver. The ingenuity of the criminal mind is remarkable. Have you thought about publishing a How-To book? I think there is definite potential there.

Oh, you left your groceries behind. A cucumber, a lime and shampoo eh? I suppose even crackheads need their daily intake of vitamin C and shiny hair.

By the way, she loves the way her car smells now...nothing quite like the smell of crack pipes in the morning.

Well I suppose we are even now Car Thief, you stole Kate's car and we kept your lime.

I hope you learned your lesson.

Sincerely,

Bitty

PS. I noticed that you didn't steal anything from the car except MY BLANKET. Now that's just hateful. Maybe we could arrange an exchange. I'll meet you under a bridge with $35 in unmarked bills. You bring my blanket. I promise not to pelt you with water balloons.