Life As a Susan

As most of you already know, yesterday I hung up my flame-retardant polyester pants. I turned in my bio-identification eyeball-scanning airport pass. I tucked away my canister of bathroom spray for those "little olfactory emergencies". I rolled my rolly bag for the last time. Basically what I'm getting at is I quit my job. It's sad but at the same time kind of liberating. I will miss the job, but the benefit is that I won't miss my family so much anymore, which is kind of nice.

I started a new job a few days ago at a large company downtown. I have to admit it has been a bit of an adjustment.

1. I found out (the hard way) that my trademarked toothy airline smile is remarkably inappropriate in an office setting and actually seems to make people uncomfortable.

2. Walking back and forth through the cabin all day is MUCH different than having to walk blocks between buildings downtown. However, I feel safer dodging cars than I ever did dodging overhead bags.

3. I can eat fresh fruit and hot meals everyday. I realize now, this is one of the great benefits of working on land. I will never take a lunch hour for granted ever again.

4. At this job I not only see my boss everyday, but she actually leans over me to fix mistakes I've made. To this day I still do not know who my boss was at the airline. Whenever I imagined what my airline boss looked like I pictured Dr.Claw from Inspector Gadget.

5. I have a phone that I am expected to answer. This blows.

6. The airline job is to the Twilight Zone what the corporate job is to the Matrix.

7. Should there be a fire in the office, I feel like now I will be able to point out the exits and maybe even yell some commands. I'll probably leave out the part about taking your seat cushion with you though.

All in all I'm pretty happy with my decision. I will keep you posted as I adjust to life back on land.

Celebrity Smack Down

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I recently (accidentally) got another job. This new job is the antithesis to my airline job. Honestly, they could not be more different. I will attempt to explain the differences using celebrity metaphors. Celebriphors if you will.

The airline job is Angelina Jolie. It's exciting and unhealthy. It's filled with high highs and lower lows. It's jet fuel and coffee and vomit. It's sore feet and aching legs. It's up all night and never sleeping in the same place. It's being hungry all day, then binge eating at Harvey's at 2am. It's meeting new people and hating most of them, but learning something valuable from a rare few. It doesn't pay well in monetary terms, but is six figures in terms of experiences. Its missing Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and birthdays but it is also learning to appreciate these special times even more. It's being thrown into stressful situations and coming out on the other side a bit shaken, but a bit more confident in myself. It's incredibly frustrating and then miraculous. Its being poked (mostly in the bum) and learning to poke back.

The office job is Susan Sarandon. It is predictable, reliable and a wee bit monotonous. It is nine to five with an hour lunch. It is paperwork, calculators and phone calls. It's a sore back and strained eyes. It's being home every night and sleeping in the same bed. It's eating three square meals a day but then never eating a Montreal smoked meat sandwich in Montreal or fish and chips in St. Johns. It's being at home but never seeing what 'Home' looks like to someone else. It's weekends off spending time with cousins at brunch. It's Christmas at home. It's two weeks vacation a year. It's more money. It's less fun. It's middle-aged women.

Between school, sleeping and just generally being alive I have found out (the hard way) that I need to make some cuts. I just don't think I'm built for this having two jobs business. Okay, so I need to quit a job, but which one? Am I an Angelina or am I a Susan? I feel like I could be a bit of both, but not fully one or the other. While I realize that this isn't the most earth shattering of problems to have I really am very tired and my sanity is at stake here. I need to come up with a celebrisolution for my celebrissues and soon.

What A Difference the Flight Deck Door Makes

A funny crew van conversation:

"Usually when a plane goes off the runway its because lots of things are going wrong. It can be a combination of a change in wind sheer, a slippery runway, malfunction of the flaps or inaccuracies in calculations. All of which the pilots need to address in a very short amount of time in order to keep the plane on the runway." Captain Karen explained.

"Meanwhile" quipped Grant, a flight attendant. "It takes four flight attendants an hour to figure why the float is short $2"