Cheers!

I am grumpy.

I am grumpy for a multitude of reasons. I was pulled from my crew today because someone in Edmonton called in sick. Now, instead of eating Vietnamese food in Regina with my great crew whom I’ve bonded with, I’m sitting in Prince George with a not-so-great crew, not eating Vietnamese. Oh, and my five flight day turned into a six flight day. Also my hotel room kind of smells...

Okay, so that’s why I’m grumpy… now for the ranting part brought on by my bad mood.

I wish people would stop saying “cheers”. Not everyone mind you, just pretentious yuppie Canadians.

Just because you visited the UK or Australia once, it does not give you the right to pick up their lingo and act as it if it’s your own.

Also, I think you are using the word incorrectly. There is no way that “cheers” spans every possible situation…

"Here is some garbage – cheers!"
"See you later – cheers!"
"I rear-ended your car – cheers!"

Saying “Cheers” does not make you seem worldly and cultured. It makes me think that you are fake and kind of an ass. It needs to stop.

Now that I got that off of my chest, I am going to sit here in my dark smelly hotel room and really relish my bad mood.

Jackhammer

A Short History of Nearly Everything I've Been Up To

Hello strangers,

I apologize for the complete lack of posts lately. I've been a very busy girl. Here is what I've been up to:

-Celebrated Chinese New Year: I celebrated in style this year with my blindingly white family. We played cranium and ate Chinese food. Kiki even made fortune cookies. They were delicious.

-Flew like a maniac: I've yet to see a Saturday in Calgary this month. I've spent more time sealed in a tube in the last few weeks than anyone should. I'm about ready to drive across the country in a diaper myself.

-Got vomited on: Little boy + Can of Pepsi + Airplane = Vomit and lots of it. Jenne, I will have you know that I heaved until my eyes watered but I did not throw up and I did manage to get it all cleaned up. Pardon me, I just heaved again.

-Registered for spring and summer classes: My plan of graduating this fall is seems less and less likely. All the classes that I needed to do this summer are offered, but with one catch...they are all offered at the exact same time. Why does the universe hate me? Je ne c'est pas.

-Climbed like a monkey: I've been climbing likes its nobodies business lately. It feels great to get back into it. I might even get to do some outdoor climbing at the end of march. On a related note, I will be collected old mattresses which I will pile at the bottom of the mountain, just in case.

-Helped Ty study Obstetrics: Here are some things I learned about delivering babies. 1. Don't pull on umbilical cord to remove placenta 2. Abruptio Plancentae sounds like a Harry Potter spell, however in reality it something very gross and scary 3. Having the urge to 'bare down' is not something I ever want to experience or hear about again. Pardon me, I just heaved again.

-Watch my favorite movies: Nadia and I watched our respective top three movies. As it turns out, an alarming number of them were subtitled.

-Speaking of alarms: I evacuated the hotel because of a fire alarm in Toronto..again. I can't help but wonder why the stairs lead into the airport and I'm tired of walking through arrivals in my pj's.

Well that basically sums up what I have been up to. Hopefully I will be posting more often again, I have 31 hours in Winnipeg this weekend. I'm bound to have plenty-o-stories from that.

Missing Persons

Bermuda Triangle, Lost Socks, North Korea...Airports...

I have noticed a strange phenomenon occurring in airports across Canada, something that frightens me to the very core. Missing persons.

Before working as a flight attendant I assumed that missing a flight would be a very rare event. I figured that the only way someone would miss their flight would be if on the drive to the airport, their car spontaneously imploded. Implosion or no implosion, the person would still be determined not to miss their flight. So they would start running towards the airport, luggage rolling furiously behind them. They would be running so fast that they surely wouldn't have noticed the open manhole. After falling into the sewer system, they would navigate through the sludge towards the airport, only to run into a group of underground mole people. After being taken captive by the mole people and forced to a lifetime of underground slavery, this person would forever lament missing that oh-so-important flight.

As it turns out, this is not the case.

A disturbing number of people miss their flight everyday. Now for the strange part, these people...these missing persons, all of them check-in. This means that they made it to the airport, past all open manholes and imploding cars, but for some reason didn't make it to the plane.

The distance between the check-in counters and the boarding lounge isn't all that far, and I have never seen anything remotely dangerous (such as polar bears, tar pits or K-fed) that could account for their disappearance.

So where do they go? I have a few theories.

1. Wormholes: Jodie Foster found one, so who's to say that Bob Howard in Halifax didn't find one too? They are invisible (I assume) and unexpected. Mr. Howard could easily have been sucked into a deadly wormhole. I will follow up with Stephen Hawking on this theory.

2. Bathrooms: Have you ever flushed an airport toilet before? The amount of force with which those toilet flush is unnerving. I often wonder what would happen if someone stood too close to with while they flushed...

3. Aliens: Admittedly, this is the most farfetched theory, but hear me out. Aliens are looking to abduct people, but remain inconspicuous right? So if you were going to abduct someone, it would make sense to abduct someone who is traveling. No one will miss them for hours and hours. Also, docking at an airport would be handy for the aliens to refuel their spaceships, maybe grab some magazines for the flight back. Doesn’t sound so farfetched now does it?

Whatever the case may be, I will continue to investigate into this matter until I come up with some hard evidence that will once and for all end the mystery of “The Disappeared” (Insert X-Files music here)