Greetings from the Underworld

Loyal Readers,

My apologize for the lack of posts lately. Finals and annual training for work coincided nicely this year. I promise to post more frequently when (if) I make it out on the other side. Wish me luck.

Coup D'etat: H&R Block Style

I had a very confusing tax situation this year, too many student loan forms and too many jobs. So I recruited the help of Joanne, Tax Preparation Extraodinare.

Joanne looked like a typical tax accountant. Right down to the bulky cable-knit sweater, complete with a balled-up kleenex in her sleeve.

We were just about finished, when Joanne asked me if I would like to get cash back or just e-file my tax return. Knowing almost nothing about taxes I asked what she recommended.

Joanne sat up in her rolly chair and leaned forward across the desk.

She whispered "I hate the government. I'm part of the revolution to overthrow them you know"

"I don't want their grubby hands touching your money so I'm going to advise you to get your cash back. They will get less this way."

"Oh...." I replied, my mouth hanging open.

"I hate the government" she repeated, leaning back in her chair adjusting her big round glasses.

If there is one thing I love, it is when people are the polar opposite of what one would expect. Like a vegetarian cowboy or a buddhist with a NRA membership. I hope that during tax season 2008, I will meet my revolutionary tax accountant again.

My Old Man

First, I would like to start off my stating that my Dad is hilarious. He is hilarious because of the pranks he pulls and the random things he says.

My Dad I go back in forth with our practical jokes.

The most recent was when I came home from Medicine Hat this weekend. I called from Strathmore to say that I needed the bathroom as soon as I got in (AKA: do not take the bathroom or you shall be subjected to my wrath) I was drinking water purely out of boredom on the drive home. This was clearly not a good idea as I ended up having to go to the bathroom so bad that it was beyond emergency status, hence the call home.

I bolted through the door when I got in and ran to the bathroom, only to fall over the storage container that my Dad had moved to conveniently block the hallway. After Indiana Jonesing my way past the container I turned the corner, running right into the giant box that the new TV came, which also happened to block the bathroom door. I hurdled the box and shut the door. I was moments away from sweet relief when I came to the horrible realization that my father had duct taped the toilet seat shut. Oh the humanity.

These are the types of pranks that we pull on each other. Hilarious no? Well my Dad is also funny because of the things he says. Here a a few examples:

1. While walking to the washing machine, mumbling to himself, he said “What are you doing on Friday night Keith? Oh well you know, washing the shower curtain...”

2. One day he turned to my sister and asked “What does it mean to be “all blinged out?”

3. Pointing to a store in the mall, he said “Why don’t we shop at Timmy Hiflinger?”

4. And just tonight he asked “Are you typing on your faceplate again?” (Referring to Facebook)

Sold!

I have been sold.

Well, not me so much as my name and address. How do I know this? Well since about mid-December I have been getting mail from a variety of non-profit organizations. This in itself isn't that unusual. I have joined a couple of organizations such as Amnesty International, but these are not the organizations sending me mail. I don't know who did it, but someone sold my name on the non-profit black market and since then I have been receiving mail from organizations that I didn't even know existed

Here is a brief list of some of the mail I have received:

-Developing Countries Farm Radio Network
-Sierra Legal Advocates for the Environment
-CARE Canada (where the end of poverty begins)
-Huntington Society of Canada
-Tanzania Family Planning Centre

If I ever find out who did this I will punish them with 1000 paper cuts, courtesy of the plethora of mail I now receive.