¿Habla usted español?

I want to learn Spanish.

These are a few reasons behind this big ol' dream of mine.

1) I love it
2) It's a requirement if I decided to do any type of development work. Becoming fluent in under two years wouldn't be the first miracle I've witnessed during my academic career, but it would certainly be the coolest.
3) I want to be able to talk to the ground handlers at the various international destinations we fly to. 'Hello' and 'excuse me' just aren't cutting it.
4) If I actually do as much traveling in Latin American countries as I intend to, Spanish will be infinitely valuable. Whether I need directions to the bathroom or have been stuffed into a trunk by Colombian guerrillas I feel that a strong background in Spanish will go a long way.
5) I want to understand Shakira's lyrics. "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains" cannot possibly be an accurate translation...

These are the obstacles:

1) No money
2) No time
3) Chronic Anglophone Oriented Tongue Syndrome. No matter how I force it, my tongue refuses to make the beautiful rrrrr's. Burrrrrro. Nada.

These are the solutions:

1) Drop out of school and move to a remote Nicaraguan village. Remain in said remote village until I learn it
2) Download the information into my skull Matrix style
3) Make a deal with the devil, mostly likely involving the resale of my soul
4) Hire Richard Simmons to help me whip my Anglo-Saxon tongue into shape.

The day that I do learn Spanish fluently I vow to renounce English as my first language and henceforth speak it with pride for the rest of my life.