Thievery

Dear car thieves,

Why did you steal my sister's car? Why did you do it 3 days after Christmas? Why did I have to leave my new blanket in her car?

Stealing a neon is very unoriginal. Any two-bit thief can steal a neon. You should steal something a bit more exotic next time, may I suggest a Smart car? You could stash a stolen Smart car anywhere, according to the commercial that is. I could understand if you were hesitant in stealing a Smart car though. What if it outsmarted you? What if it began honking its horn and flashing its high beams on and off three times in a clear Morris Code fashion while you were mid-carjacking. How embarrassing.

I have many questions for you Car Thief...

How did you steal it in less than 15 minutes? You couldn't have known that we would be in Chinook for such a short period of time. Did you follow us the whole time we were in the parking lot? I am amazed at your incredible stealthiness. Like a lion stalking a couple of antelopes. A couple of antelopes hoping to take advantage of boxing day sales. Poor naive antelopes.

Why did you need another neon anyway? According to the police you have stolen 34 in the last 3 days. That seems a bit excessive to me. Is this a desperate attempt to conserve the environment, by stealing one car at a time? Was it a cry for attention? Sort of the adult version of hitting girls with sticks?

Do you realize that you stole this car from a student? A student who needs to drive herself to school every morning so she can care for sick people? I would like to assume that you are running some type of organization that drives orphans to Disneyland and you needed to add another vehicle to your convoy of charity. However, I am afraid that this is not the case. Not the case at all. Stupid lions.

Anyway Car Thieves, I think I have made myself clear. You are mean. I hope that you contract scabies and mange. I hope you are out casted from society and are forced to live under a bridge like a common troll. I hope you enjoy your life under the bridge, mange and all. Until one day you are hit by a car, a neon, and antelopes trample your remains. Perhaps that is a bit harsh, or perhaps you will deserve it.

Merry Christmas