6 Simple Rules

Please stop....please stop talking...

"So anyway, then I said 'I'm not short, i'm just vertically challenged!" "HAHAHA"

Oh my God, please stop talking...

I think people need a refresher course in social cues, particularly the Flight Attendant I worked with a few weeks ago. After about 12 hours of listening to her constant nattering about mindless things such as the "The art and science of de-pilling pants" and "How to keep banana bread moist, without using oil” I started to lose my mind. After 13 hours I was seriously considering putting my head through the main cabin door, or maybe just jamming a pen into my eardrum.

In an effort to save my own sanity and the sanity of others, I've put together set of rules that I believe will lower murder-suicide rates around the world.

1. If you are going to be spending more than 5 hours with the same person, keep in mind that quiet time is okay. Don't feel obligated to fill the silence with stories about your dog or banana bread.

2. People generally don't want to hear the details of your home life; this includes the arrangement of your furniture and what you always keep in your fridge.

3. Pay attention of body language. For example; if someone is sitting hunched over, turned away from you, and only answers your questions with a couple of grunts, they probably aren't engage in the conversation anymore. Let it go.

4. When you are the only one laughing at your jokes, it isn't necessarily because we didn't understand it. Launching into a long explanation as to what you meant and why it was hilarious isn't going to help. You're probably just not that funny

5. No one, I repeat, no one wants to talk about random things like say oh, gelato, for more than an hour. In general, people will start to plot your violent demise, or their own, if you subject them to this type of conversation for too long. For your own safety, don't pick conversation topics related to frozen treats, recipes, your kids, hair products (I could go on) unless you have a background in Ju-jitsu.

6. Be mindful of personal space. While the size of the personal space bubble varies from country to country, be wary of getting to close. If you find that when you talk to people, you usually end up backing them into a corner so they can't escape, you might be violating their bubble. Take a step back, relax, and speak to them from a reasonable distance. You might find that its even preferable to speak with someone when you are far enough away from them to be able to focus your eyes.

While there are many other guidelines to follow outside of this list, I feel that these few basic pointers will do a world of good in reducing the incident rates of eardrum jabbing and flight attendant homicide